I met Brandon Heath summer of 2007. He is new artist in CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) world, and I was fairly new 3 years the CCM radio world. At the time, Dave, Bill & I were doing a summer promotion called The Summer Cruise. This wasn’t boat cruise. This was week-long “diners & dives, hometown handshake cruise-around-our-listening-area,” cruise. No water involved. Unless you count sweat. In that case, there was lots & lots of water! Brandon’s then manager, Jim, called me and asked me if I’d like to have an artist come along with us. I told him “no, the week was hard enough without having to host an artist.” I went on to say they’d most likely end up wanting to shoot us anyway because it was a ridiculously rigorous week, with 18 hour days, in 17,000 degrees and 117% humidity. I didn’t want to have to be apologizing all week. But Jim was persuasive, and a few months later Brandon showed up with his guitar, in Florida, on a Sunday evening, ready to hit the road with us. I have to admit, we felt like we’d already hit the jackpot, because his single, “I’m Not Who I Was” had just hit #1. But what we didn’t know was that we were about to meet one of our very favorite people. Ever.
The best way I can describe the Summer Cruise is to say it was like Summer Camp or a Mission Trip. You start the week off trying to find your sea legs, wondering how the week is going to go. But by the end of it, you’re swapping addresses, promising to write!
Long story short, Brandon became family to Dave, Bill & me. We cheered him on when he won New Artist of the Year that very next year, Male Vocalist of the Year the year after that, Song of the Year, and, and, and…. We broadcasted from his kitchen table. We reunited a daughter & dad. We (He) sang at a funeral for sweet Melissa, a young woman he’d connected with on the Summer Cruise. We mission tripped. We were framily indeed.
So, it was only natural for Brandon to call and say, “Car, I’ve met a girl….” I grinned from ear to ear! “Tell me more!” I said. Her name was Siebe (pronounced CB). He was giddy. And he kept telling me how pretty she was. She had just bought a house (new construction/to be built). He had gone and bought her a shovel, painted it gold, and was taking it over to her to surprise her for a lil ground-breaking ceremony.
I met Siebe at Brandon’s birthday party a few weeks/months? later. She had the sweetest Southern accent. That night, I was mostly impressed with her cooking skills when she made his favorite, Banana’s Foster, for a whole house full of us! She mastered it.
I was instantly #teamSiebe. They were perfect for each other. Fast forward a couple of years, and we were on our way back to Nashville to watch them walk down the aisle and say “I do.” It was a beautiful day in May.
When Brandon & Siebe got married (well, really before), I gained a sister-friend. Dave & Bill and Pete & the girls love her as much as I do. Siebe is one of those people who is just as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside. She’s sweet. She’s loyal. She’s compassionate. She’s funny. She can cook. (Ask me about her Christmas Crack & her Rosemary potatoes!) She’ll do OTF with me (and kick my booty). She’s gorgeous. The girls and I say all the time Siebe = #hairgoals. I’ll be honest, this part kinda makes me mad. We all want her hair!
I know I’ve written a lot. But, most of you know Brandon, and I just really want you to know Siebe a bit too.
Brandon and Siebe were here for Easter, and they joined us on the morning show the Monday afterwards. They talked about these 5 Questions that they use on a weekly basis to check in with one another. So many of you have asked for them, that I asked Siebe if she would guest blog for me! I wanted y’all to hear about ’em from her! So here ya go…. Thank you, Siebe.
I am certainly no expert at marriage, but I do strongly believe that marriage is something to fight for. I have just 3 short years under my belt and I think my husband and I have tapped into a crucial part of marriage. COMMUNICATION!
It’s funny for me to look back on my relationship with Brandon and see where our communication was when we started dating compared to now. When we first started dating, I would never bring anything up. I was just sure if I said anything to rock the boat, he’d throw me overboard. Brandon on the other hand loves to talk through things and air them out. We were complete opposites when it came to talking about our feelings. Brandon was patient with me and would gently prod me to tell him what was going on in my mind. After I became more secure in our relationship, I slowly let down walls and started communicating my true feelings. It was a process, but it has made a world of difference in our relationship.
I am 5 years in to my relationship with Brandon now and let me tell you, I speak my mind…maybe too often. When we first got married, I realized I needed to find a way to bring things up and check in with him without making him feel like I was in attack mode. I don’t know about you, but if I approach something as soon as it hits me, as in – I am mad or sad – then it sometimes comes off a little hot or emotional, if you know what I mean. I started to realize that I sometimes need to think about what is really going on and evaluate what my role in the argument, before bringing it to Brandon. So, one day as I was perusing in the magically fake world of Pinterest I saw the title “5 questions for your marriage”. I wish I knew where I got this because I believe it was linked to someone’s blog, but I saw them and instantly grabbed a piece of paper and jotted them down.
The directions said to try and pick one night a week to go over these 5 questions, and it would help you stay in tune with your partner. I brought them to Brandon, thinking he might think it was a lame idea, but he was really open to it. So, we started the weekly 5 questions and it was so amazing for our marriage. Now I know this may sound so simple and easy, but it really opened up a time each week for us to check in, for us to talk about what was going on, and to think about the other person. It also allowed me to know that each week there would be a time slot that I could bring things up with Brandon. He may have hurt my feelings doing something silly, and by this time I had cooled down and could share with him more calmly. Or maybe I was feeling a tug of guilt about something I had said to him earlier in the week. This was a time I could bring that back up and apologize. As Brandon says the questions are really just act as ice breakers to jump into what is going on with us.
So here are the questions:
1. How did you feel loved this past week?
-I love this question because it makes me look and take notice of the little things Brandon does for me. I really cherish those little moments and love holding on to them so I can tell Brandon when we sit down for our questions. I have also found that I am sometimes surprised by what Brandon says made him feel loved. I think this taps into the whole 5 love languages thing, because we feel love differently we sometimes don’t always realize what is making our spouse feel loved. This is also motivation to do things for your spouse, because you know this question is going to be asked.
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
-This is so nice to go over together. It gives you an idea of any big things or small things going on with your spouse. I laugh at this question though because I am the Type A person in our relationship and it’s usually me telling Brandon what his upcoming week looks like….ha.
3. How would you feel most loved and encouraged in the days ahead?
-This is just setting each other up well. Brandon and I always talk about trying to set each other up to win. Now believe me there have been times where Brandon said he’d love me to do something for him that week and I failed to get it done. This is where you have to give each other grace. It’s such a warm and fuzzy feeling though when you request something from your spouse and then they do it knowing that is what will make you feel loved. It can be super simple too. I am a words of affirmation girl so I usually tell Brandon if he wants to leave me a surprise post it somewhere then my heart will soar. It could also be something as simple as, would you mind going to the store for me.
4. How would you best feel pursued in intimacy this week?
-Aww, the sex question. Let’s be honest….this is a big part of our marriages. I think this question is great because this can be a hard topic to bring up. This just opens the door right up. It lets you communicate to your partner proactively instead of reactively about desires, wishes, needs.
5. How can I pray for you this week?
-This might be the most important of all of the questions. This question reminds us to keep Jesus at the center of our relationships. Isn’t it just a great feeling when you know someone is praying for you? It gives me a sense of peace about what I am stressing over. Your spouse knows more about you than anyone and this question allows you to talk about things you may not want to share with anyone else.
There are the questions! Although simple, I think they open the door to so many great things for your marriage. I don’t know where you are in your marriage. You may be over communicators or sweep it under the rug type people, but I would challenge you and your spouse to commit to trying it for one month. Just see if and how it helps your marriage. I’d love to know if you enjoyed the process or if you have other suggestions to working on your marriage. Marriage is not only important for you and your spouse but to everyone who witnesses your love for each other.